Lucille: You tricked me.
Michael: I deceived you. “Tricked” makes it sound like we have a playful relationship.Marta Complex, 1x12
Lucille: When’s the last time you went on a date?
Michael: I just haven’t met anybody who’s not completely self-absorbed and impossible to have a conversation with.
Lucille: If that’s a veiled criticism about me, I won’t hear it and I won’t respond to it.
Key Decisions - 1x04
submission from Rebecca Beluk
Michael: Tell me the truth, okay? ’Cause there’s been a lot of lying in this family.
Lucille: And a lot of love.
Michael: More lies.
Let ‘Em Eat Cake - 1x22
submission by luisabaeta
Buster: Hey, possible nephew.
Notapusy - 3x04
submission from James Car
J. Walter Weatherman: And that’s why you always leave a note.
Pier Pressure - 1x10
Kitty: I heard you don’t handle your booze so well anymore.
Lucille: So this should be easy for you. That one didn’t count.
Spring Breakout - 2x17
Buster: She’s better looking than the whores you date!
Gob: Don’t call my escorts “whores.”
Spring Breakout - 2x17
Lindsay: (Gasp) You’re a [bleep]ing never-nude?
Spring Breakout - 2x17
idea by @therealhamfast
Michael: Watch out for bridges and hop-ons. You’re going to get some hop-ons.
Key Decisions - 1x04
submission from Jack McGraw
Gene Parmesan: Uh, I’ve got some bad news. I’m… Gene Parmesan. How you doing?
¡Amigos! - 2x03
Michael: Let’s burn this son of a bitch. It’s going to be our best summer ever, buddy.
Top Banana - 1x02
Michael: Do you know what they do to people who commit treason?
George Sr.: First time.
Michael: I’ve never heard of a second.
George Sr.: I got the worst fucking attorneys.Let ‘Em Eat Cake - 1x22
“Is it too soon to do Sonny & Cher?”
Happy Mother’s Day, everyone!